Week 7 -- Day 2 (?)

8:33 a.m. I'm starting to lose track of the days! I think it's day two, it might be day three. Well, it's week seven that's for sure. I just read a comment from my in-law's friend, Pop. I almost cried! Everything makes me cry now. I've always been an extremely passionate person, but as far as crying goes, I never cried unless I was really, really upset. I'm crying at sappy commercials now! Thanks for the kind words, Pop. So far, we've had offers to buy a crib, changing table and wardrobe for Baby Quack. You should see her little onesies so far. She's gonna be styling. Among others, she already has Gap clothes with little teddy bears and a really cute onesie that says, "The Poo," a la "The Who"! Another favorite of mine is a yellow onesie with a little lion on the front. Wal-mart has some great stuff.
I woke up today with a new found sense of optimism. Nobody told me how much being pregnant can get you down. I've suffered from panic disorder for years -- since I was about 17 years old -- and the pregnancy hormones have increased it tenfold. The last week has been a real downer. There were days when I didn't even want to get out of bed. I'm not familiar with the feelings of depression. I just don't get depressed. I mean sure, I get blue like everyone else. Sometimes even for a couple of days. But never depressed. This was a whole new feeling for me and let me tell you, it's the worst feeling you can possibly have. I saw my doctor yesterday and he prescribed something that's safe to take during pregnancy but that would help me with my depression. He explained that because I'm already susceptible to panic disorder (which is also fueling the depression) that I'm naturally more susceptible to ante-partum depression. The medicine works quickly and I only have to be on it for a week. I think just knowing that there's help out there has made me feel much more at ease. The coming days look much brighter and I know that I must help myself as well by getting up early, exercising, being social and just doing nice things for me, my loved ones and even strangers. I know I can get through this. I WILL get through this. I've always been a strong woman -- apparently that's one of the qualities that attracted my husband to me! -- and I'll be damned if this demon takes me down. I also started praying again. As a young girl, I was raised Catholic and taught to pray to God every night, go to church, go to confession, etc, etc. As I've grown older, I've stopped subscribing to organized religion, but I still believe in a God. Unfortunately, when I stopped going to church I also stopped praying as often. I like to think that God can work miracles but the scientist in me (my favorite subject is science) always looks for concrete evidence and often needs concrete evidence to prove something. Faith alone doesn't always work for me. Either way, I know that praying DOES help. Whether it's the act of airing your grievances or God himself that makes you feel better, praying helps me in a way that cannot be achieved through other means. I'm going to try and pray every day now like I used to when I was younger.
Alright, now that I'm off my soapbox I'm going to dive in the pool. I'll be back!

Keep on swimming...