Week 10 -- Day 5!!!

2:16 p.m. Wow! I'm about 2 weeks and some days before my second trimester. I cannot believe how much time flies. So much as happened since I last wrote. When I tell you, you'll understand why I've been M.I.A.
I was having a lot of back problems (again) and was trying to take it easy and lie down for a couple of days alternating between a heating pad and cold pack. I mentioned in a previous post that I had chronic pain from a car accident. I've been seeing a pain specialist here in Austin who put me on pain killers, which I've been taking for a few months now. Don't worry. Doc said it was totally safe for baby, and if you look it up on the internet, you will not find any evidence that it causes birth defects. The only issue was that I'd have to get off the medication about a month before birth so that the baby wouldn't suffer withdrawals. There is NO WAY IN HELL I was going to put my baby through that torment. Recently, I ran out of my medication and just decided to not go back for a refill. I quit...cold turkey. I tried weening off but it was just too easy to go right back to your medication when you started to feel any bit of withdrawals -- which include sweats, chills, severe anxiety attacks, irritability, body aches, restless leg syndromes, diarrhea (ugh), nausea, and sometimes vomiting. I've also been getting these weird "body buzzes" where you feel like your whole body is trembling inside. It's not pretty or fun.
Yesterday was my first day and I didn't do too bad. About 2 hours after what would have been my first dose, I started to feel shaky, sweaty yet cold, ANXIOUS AS HELL, and I couldn't sit still. I was pacing and pacing and making my poor husband nervous. I felt a bit nauseous but managed to eat some chicken soup and then got outside for some fresh air. I decided that if I didn't do something, I was going to spend the day pacing around the apartment, so I went shopping with Kent (groceries, home depot stuff, best buy stuff) and felt so much better. Later, we went out to dinner with my parents, which was also a smart choice for me. A part of me had to force myself to go though. I felt slightly sick inside but knew I couldn't sit still. It would drive me absolutely crazy.
This morning (day 2 -- it takes 3 days for your body to adjust to life without the meds) I woke up early -- about 6:30 -- ate, had some half-caff coffee and jumped in the shower. And all before 8 am. Wow! That is so unlike me to do that. It was like my body was just in this constant state of movement and I couldn't stop it.
--> Oh yeah, I've also been having TERRIBLE night sweats. I wake up at least 3 times a night so drenched in sweat and shivering that I have to change my clothes. It's as though I just jumped out of the shower. I'm not sure if it's too hot in that room and my body sweats, which in turn, the sweat on my body makes me cold, or if it's due to the lack of medication in my body. I'll have to experiment by sleeping in a cooler room.
Back to my day today -- So I woke up really early, packed some stuff, kissed my wonderful husband goodbye and off I went to my parents house. Kent is going to be working all day today (he had yesterday off) and I didn't want to be alone on what's considered the worst day of withdraw -- day 2. Day three is considered the easiest because the symptoms aren't as severe and you actually get into the mental state that you used to be in before your meds.
Honestly, although I feel awful physically, my mind is already coming out of my fog. It's amazing what medication alone can do you to you. I have to be on meds for my anxiety and bipolar and those actually help me, but pain meds just put you in this numb-like state. Happiness seems like it's coated with a film of plastic. I mean, it's there, but you can't quite grasp it. Does that make sense? Sadness and depression are there as well, but it makes you more quick to blame others. It's as though your guilty conscience disappears because your nerve receptors are so dead, so numb. And anxiety, wow. For me, the anxiety the medications caused was sometimes worse than the pain I would have without the meds. But I had to weigh the pros and cons. A day full of pain or a few hours of anxiety? I usually chose the anxiety, needless to say.
All in all, I feel emotionally and mentally great right now. I'm doing right by my parents, my husband and most importantly, my little baby. My doctors commended me and gave me the name of an acupuncturist who could help with the back pain. That's the one thing I never tried when I was looking for natural relief. I plan on seeing this person as soon as I can. I finally feel alive again. It's so hard to express in words.
My parents took Kent and I out to dinner yesterday. I had gone to the bathroom and on my way back, just the sight of my family interacting and laughing and looking content made me want to cry tears of joy. My happiness feels real. It's amazing. I am so proud of myself. I'm all smiles right now and so excited to be welcoming this baby into the world. Sure, I was excited before, but it's like I keep reiterating -- the joy in this world has really been hitting my heart and soul as if God's hand reached down and touched me.
Wow. That was some deep stuff! So about Baby Quack. She (or he, but again, I think it's a she) has popped out like a basketball! I'm showing so much (at least in my eyes) that at this rate, I'm going to look absolutely GI-NORMOUS by my 5 mth. I'm too small for that. Kent and I joked that the baby might grow up to be 6 feet tall and 200 lbs. Like I said, I'm 10 1/2 wks today. The baby has fingernails, fully formed organs (all of them), tiny ear buds, all of her joints are working and her arms and legs are constantly moving. By next week, the baby's boy or girl parts will descend and become externally visible. I still don't think they can tell the sex until the 20th week. Baby's eyelids are almost completely closed and her lips are are appearing. I should start to feel her kick within the next 4 weeks or so. I can't wait!
Physically, I'm doing better (minus the withdrawals). My emotional and mental state has ascended out of that horrible funk I was in. I've been happy and giggly and not quite so irritable (Kent my say differently!). I came down with bronchitis on Thursday and had a low-grade fever, TONS of mucus, terrible chills and aches and overall fatigue. I had to visit urgent care twice before they finally gave me antibiotics. Bunch of idiots I tell you. My ob/gyn said antibiotics were completely safe. The only reason I didn't visit her was because Kent was working and I was too damn dizzy from my sinus headache to drive the 30 minutes to my OB's office. I'm NEVER going back to that urgent care again. The doctor was pretty young and seemed like she had no clue what she was doing. I told her I had lots of phlegm, was coughing a lot and had bad sinus pressure and that I thought I had bronchitis or a sinus infection (this was the SECOND time I had visited her and had to explain to her again what my symptoms were). Anyway, as soon as I said I thought I had bronchitis/sinusitis, she says, "Oh yeah, bronchitis/sinusitis sure that's it. I'll give you a script." No joke. That's what she said. What a flake. I could have told the lady I had the freaking bubonic plague and she would have said, "Oh yeah, the bubonic plague. Sure. Here's some penicillin, or whatever the hell they use to treat that. *Sighs*
So that's what I've been up to the past week. I apologize for doing a disservice to my readers! I'll be sure to keep up.
In case you're wondering, Kent and I have been doing great. He's going to be such a great Papa. We got some more clothes for baby (we already have a huge plastic storage bin filled with clothes and a stuffed Eeyore and a baby blankie and ducky Galoshes) and I also have those two baby books I mentioned earlier. Oh yeah, and today my Mom bought some baby bath toys that squeak. They're all in the shapes of different sea animals. I think I'm gonna have more fun with those than baby!! So long guys!